Wikus and Christopher's forbidden love
by automailboobs
Summary: Wikus and Christopher's fate comes crashing down once they fall in love at a light speeding rate.
1. Chapter 1

Wikus looked out the window dramatically, staring at the grass.

"I hate you, grass," said Wikus, "go away."

The grass obeyed and left his presence. Wikus looked dramatically out the other window. He felt there was no one in the world that would ever be worth his love. Used to, he was a very dumb whore, but when he listened to Jesse McCartney's song on the radio, he knew love was nothing to waste.  
He went into the secretary's office. ''Hello secretary,'' Wikus said. The secretary looked up annoyed as she was too busy playing the most intense game of minesweeper ever imaginable.  
''HEY BABY WHATS GOIN DOWN,'' she said full of loathing and hate.

She then exploded.

I don't know why but she did.

Then Wikus wondered about love some more. "I wonder about love,'' he wondered,''when will anyone e--!11" he shrieked.

He looked out the window and saw that grass was back. Grass was holding up a radio. "BABY COME BACK YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME."

Grass was singing with tears flooding down his eyes. Wikus sighed dramatically. He turned on TV and heard singing. ''HIROGARU YAMI NO NAKA KAWASHIATTA KAKUMEI NO CHIGIRI.'' He looked at the TV and then saw what looked like an alien by the name of Christopher Johnson. He wasn't sure if it was an alien or not, but it certainly isn't human, because humans cannot focus such intense love into mere words. They instead break dance. Break dancing is cool.

Christopher's words touched Wikus, because he has Google Translator installed into his brain.  
He vowed he would find this romantic beast and wouldn't stop ever ever never forever whenever.

"HELLO YOU MAGNIFICENT STUD," Wikus said to his TV, "YOU MAKE MY NIPPLES HARD BECAUSE OF YOUR COLD APPEARANCE BUT I KNOW THERE IS MORE TO YOU THAN MEETS THE EYE."

Christopher looked him dead in the eye and Wikus felt his heart melt within his ribcage, a prison for HIS SOUL THAT WANTED TO BE INTERTWINED WITH THIS GLORIOUS PRODUCT OF AN UNKNOWN DEITY'S VAGINA. Christopher spoke his soul stiffening words,

"LOOLELELE LAR LEE DERP HURR"

Wikus couldn't handle it and had a heart attack. It was too overwhelming.

to be continued on chapter 2.


	2. Chapter 2

Christopher crawled out of the TV and PICKED UP WIKUS'S unconcious carcass.

He put him in Wikus's shaggin wagon BUT NOT TO SHAG first they have to get to a hospital BUT NOT TO SHAG IN THE HOSPITAL you PERVERT its because Wikus fainted AND CHRISTOPHER CARES ABOUT HIM. then they'll shag. in the ballpit at chuck e. cheese. because ball pits make them horny.

Anywizzle, CHRISTOPHER SPED DOWN THE HIGHWAY WITH HIS AVIATORS ON, AND WIKUS KEPT HAVING HEART ATTACKS BECAUSE OF HOW MAGNIFICENT CHRISTOPHER WAS. He had to get to the hospital before he spontaneously combusted. He was almost there, until he heard a very mesmerizing tune. Christopher looked over in amazement and wonder, and saw the most magnificent thing he has ever witnessed.

It was an ice cream truck.

Christopher swerved across 6 lanes, causing multiple accidents, in order to get to the second thing he cared about most, then his life would be completed.  
"WIKUS HURRY WHAT FLAVOR DO YOU WANT THERES NO TIME LEFT," Christopher said as he began ramming into the side of the ice cream truck.  
"I--I---I" Wikus couldn't get the words out. "NO WIKUS SPEAK TO ME WIKUS NO NO PLEASE HANG IN THERE." The people in the background that weren't brutally annihilated by Christopher's drastic, risk-taking maneuver were sobbing because of the sad moment they were experiencing. Not because they were almost killed.

"I-i-ii-- I WANT MINT FLAVORED PLOX." Wikus said.

"k" Christopher responded. He hijacked the Ice cream truck, which he could have done in the first place, and DROVE INTO THE HOSPITAL AS FAST A GRACEFUL IGUANA FROLICKING THROUGH AN OASIS. "SOMEONE GET THIS BREATH-TAKING MAN TO AN EMERGENCY ROOM."

Everyone glomped the two and took Wikus from Christopher. "THEY WON'T KEEP US APART FOR LONG, I PROMISE. OUR HEARTS ARE CONNECTED AND NO ONE WILL SAW IT IN HALF WITH THEIR CHAINSAW OF SEPERATION."

WILL THEY EVER BE TOGETHER AGAIN

WILL THIS STORY EVER BE FUNNY

IDK

BUT MAYBE WE'LL FND OUT IN CHAPTER 3

OHHOHOOHOHOHOH DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YOU

CAPS IS FUN

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


End file.
